Breakups are one of the hardest emotional experiences a human can ever go through. In fact, breakups cause as much emotional pain as an actual death, so it’s no wonder so many of us can hurt for a lifetime after losing someone we love. While the pain from a breakup eventually lessens, it can leave a scar that never really goes away. The good news is that with healthy coping skills, you can move on, heal, and love again. Here is how to move forward after a breakup -no matter how hard it seems right now.
Go No Contact
If you truly want to move forward and heal after a breakup, going “no contact” is essential to your well-being. This means cutting off all contact and connections from your ex for the duration of your healing process. This can mean 3 months or forever, it’s up to you to determine if you can have contact with your ex without hurting. If you work together or have children, this means limiting contact outside of your work or parental obligations. This is difficult, but it’s absolutely the best way to heal and move forward.
Take a Break from Dating
While you may feel lonely and want to jump back into dating immediately to ease your pain, having a rebound may make you feel worse, and you could end up in a relationship with someone who is totally wrong for you. Instead, take this time to refocus on yourself and reassess your goals. This is the perfect time to think of all the possibilities for your future!
Traveling and heading out on new adventures following a breakup is one of the best forms of therapy! There’s nothing more exhilarating than experiencing new cultures, food, and people. So, go ahead and book that trip to Europe. It will be the best money you’ve ever spent and it will help keep your mind focused on anything other than your breakup. Besides how can you be sad when you’re traveling to beautiful, exotic locations?
Get in the Best Shape of Your Life
While you may feel sad and unmotivated, now is the best time to get in the best shape of your life! Working out not only makes you look amazing, but it also eases anxiety, stress, and depression. So, go ahead and sweat out all your angst. Your mind and body will thank you.
Talk it Out
Whether it’s with a friend or a professional therapist, it’s important to confide in others and talk out your feelings. Holding in pain will only make things worse, so find someone you trust to talk through your emotions. You can even find support groups on sites such as 7 Cups and Reddit. Whatever you do, get it out. You will feel much better.
Write Your Ex a Letter (But Don’t Send It!)
Writing and journaling is a wonderful form of therapy and it’s especially helpful after breakups. Write a letter to your ex, expressing all your feelings, frustration, and anger with no restrictions. Then tuck it away. DO NOT send it. This will help vent out your frustrations to your ex without actually reopening the wound or further aggravating the situation. Do this as many times as you need to, but never send the letters.
Do Not Fall Into Negative Patterns
When we’re emotionally fragile it can be easy to fall into negative patterns. This can be anything from partying too much to stalking your ex’s social media or doing something extreme like slashing their tires. Whatever you do, don’t become that “crazy ex.” Leave the relationship with class and dignity. It’s better to be the “one that got away” than the “crazy ex” that they were glad to get rid of.
Refocus Your Mind on The Future
Instead of focusing on the past and all the bad things that have happened, shift your focus to the future. Only focus your thoughts and energy on the things you want, not on the worries of the past. This may seem simple, but think of all the times you’ve ruminated on what has happened to you previously. Dwelling on the past will only make you feel worse. In this moment, let it all go. Let it all leave your mind and make a conscious shift to refocus all your energy on the possibilities of the future.