Don’t Believe the Hype: Why Dating Isn’t Actually Difficult

Everyday you can find article after article about how difficult dating is and how there are “no good ones left.” Especially in big urban cities like NYC and LA. Well, I’m here to tell you that dating actually isn’t that difficult. I know, shocker, an article that disagrees with the popular opinion on dating! Why do I say this? Well, because how difficult dating is actually depends on YOU. Yep, that’s right, you’re in total control of the quality of your dating life. Let me explain.

One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

In other words, the quality of your life depends on what you believe you deserve. See, this has nothing to do with the other person or “all the jerks out there.” You can’t be treated poorly if you don’t allow yourself to be treated poorly. Simply don’t put up with people who are not good to you. Don’t be afraid to tell someone to beat it if they’re not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Most of all, know and truly believe you deserve the best. Take nothing less. If you’re the girl who always picks up the 1am booty call drunk dial, guess what, you’ll only be the 1am drunk dial booty call girl. When you pick up the 1am drunk dial what you’re inadvertently saying is that you’ll settle for whatever scraps he’s willing to offer you and that you’re available at his convenience. It’s really not that complicated.

This is not about “playing games” because you’re trying to act hard to get, it’s about truly believing you deserve better. It’s about being authentic. So it’s time to file away the fantasyland Sex and the City DVDs and come back reality. Here is reality:  people value and respect people who value and respect themselves. If you make it clear that you and your time are valuable and you won’t put up with bad behavior, you will get the respect and quality partner you deserve.

Suddenly, dating will become easier and not-so-complicated. And if he disappears anyway, SO WHAT. Let him go. If there’s one thing you should know about men, it’s that if they want you, trust me, they will move mountains to be with you. They will make the time. They will call. They will take you out. If they’re not doing so, sorry, they’re just not that into you. And think about this; why would you want to be with someone who’s not that into you? Why waste your time on someone who doesn’t think you’re the best thing since sliced bread? You should never have to convince someone to love you. Move on and find someone who actually loves you.

“Never make someone your priority when you are their option.” Stick that quote as a reminder on your phone screen if necessary so that you never forget your value.

Love and respect yourself. Believe in your value. Most of all, be confident enough to walk away from an unhealthy situation and hold out for someone better. You are worthy of all the love and respect in the world -never forget that!

 

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Molly Chan

Molly Chan is StyleFox's resident, no-nonsense dating and love columnist. Once single, now settled, she spent a decade in New York City's dating jungle and knows the singles scene inside and out. Doesn't miss it.

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